Going through all the good, the bad, and the ugly times in my life I have made friends, lost many and maybe connected with few. For me telling my story is hard and maybe I’ll be able to do it some day, but for now I want to share a small part of me. I am writing this letter remembering those people I have affected, in one way or the other.
A small truth.
I used to think that I am the only one facing all the problems, and those were of grave importance. Well things have changed, and I know I’m not a queen and the world doesn’t revolve around me. I know I have made mistakes, and those mistakes cost me lot more than they deserved. I have hurt people, maybe also betrayed them, everyone saw that, but no one saw I was hurting too. My actions were just reactions to things they did and things they said, or at least I thought so. But the world doesn’t work that way and they only see what they want to see. For most part I hated them, hated each and everyone, and hated them for a very long time. But time doesn’t stop, and my world didn’t end, even though it felt like I was spiral downward to an endless pit of darkness.
Anyways, time has passed, and during those dark years, when I felt like I was the only one to suffer the hate and guilt of so many things, I didn’t realize that I had to reach out, reach out to myself in order to break free from the curse. I am writing this letter not only to those people but to all of you. The one’s who think that they know someone and their actions, and also the ones who think that they have ruined everything in their life, JUST STOP. Please don’t hurt yourself or the people around you, because this will only increase the amount of pain.
Those people who think that they can judge someone, please try to at least have some empathy, if you cant do that then just leave them alone. With all those words and actions you are just crushing someone and their whole existence.
Those of you who think this is the end of the world, please reach out, because nobody else can do that for you. You have to become your own Savior. There is no one else in this world who can save you, Only you can do that. So reach out to someone or if you cant do that at least reach out to yourself. Don’t feel ashamed because you had your reasons just like I had mine. There is no need for justification, just let it be. Free yourself from the pain, because it has gone long enough.
After all this time, I have come to accept what happened and what is happening, and I cannot let it go on. So, I want you to know I forgive you for all the pain that you have caused, all the nightmares I had to face with my eyes open and all things I had to see. Its time to forgive you, and forgive all of you for accusing me of the person that I was not. I have learned to accept my fate, and though the scars wont heal I have to move on and forgive myself too.
I cannot carry the burden anymore, the weight is too much and this is me breaking free. One day if you read this I hope you forgive me too.
Forgiveness is the only way to redemption.