Inspiration

Inspirations are everywhere.

For this assignment I’d like to link Kassandra and her blog post. She wrote about her fear of deciding what to write in the blog. It just clicks with me. I have been thinking the same thing and have been afraid of what people might think. If I show the dark side of me will they hate me?? Or if I show only the good side of me that would be fake!!! How am I to balance the two sides of me?? SO my train of thoughts lead me to think I’ll just write whatever that’s up with me whether they are just the sad and lonely part or the sadist one, or preferably the happy one.
After reading her post the fear is obvious and inevitable, so I have decided to put myself out there just like I have promised my self. It does not matter if the content is sad or painful or boring, I will write and put it out there. Thank you for giving me hope.
Browsing through I came across Jonathan, he wrote about writing his mind in the Moleskine Notebook. Though that brand of notebook isn’t available where I live, the idea of writing is awesome. I used write and have stopped doing so for various reasons. Anyways this article has reminded me of how happy I felt writing my heart out without the fear of criticism. But I have come to accept that criticism is part of the deal so I will expect them and I think it will help me grow and improve myself.

I thank you for sharing your thoughts and inspiring me in the little ways, which is the most important part of connecting with someone.

Letter to my Dream Reader

Going through all the good, the bad, and the ugly times in my life I have made friends, lost many and maybe connected with few. For me telling my story is hard and maybe I’ll be able to do it some day, but for now I want to share a small part of me. I am writing this letter remembering those people I have affected, in one way or the other.

A small truth.

I used to think that I am the only one facing all the problems, and those were of grave importance. Well things have changed, and I know I’m not a queen and the world doesn’t revolve around me. I know I have made mistakes, and those mistakes cost me lot more than they deserved. I have hurt people, maybe also betrayed them, everyone saw that, but no one saw I was hurting too. My actions were just reactions to things they did and things they said, or at least I thought so. But the world doesn’t work that way and they only see what they want to see. For most part I hated them, hated each and everyone, and hated them for a very long time. But time doesn’t stop, and my world didn’t end, even though it felt like I was spiral downward to an endless pit of darkness.

Anyways, time has passed, and during those dark years, when I felt like I was the only one to suffer the hate and guilt of so many things, I didn’t realize that I had to reach out, reach out to myself in order to break free from the curse. I am writing this letter not only to those people but to all of you. The one’s who think that they know someone and their actions, and also the ones who think that they have ruined everything in their life, JUST STOP. Please don’t hurt yourself or the people around you, because this will only increase the amount of pain.

Those people who think that they can judge someone, please try to at least have some empathy, if you cant do that then just leave them alone. With all those words and actions you are just crushing someone and their whole existence.

Those of you who think this is the end of the world, please reach out, because nobody else can do that for you. You have to become your own Savior. There is no one else in this world who can save you, Only you can do that. So reach out to someone or if you cant do that at least reach out to yourself. Don’t feel ashamed because you had your reasons just like I had mine. There is no need for justification, just let it be. Free yourself from the pain, because it has gone long enough.

After all this time, I have come to accept what happened and what is happening, and I cannot let it go on. So, I want you to know I forgive you for all the pain that you have caused, all the nightmares I had to face with my eyes open and all things I had to see. Its time to forgive you, and forgive all of you for accusing me of the person that I was not. I have learned to accept my fate, and though the scars wont heal I have to move on and forgive myself too.

I cannot carry the burden anymore, the weight is too much and this is me breaking free. One day if you read this I hope you forgive me too.

Forgiveness is the only way to redemption.

Introducing yourself

Introduce yourself – for me this is the most dreaded question, be it in a job interview or just an ice breaker in a new circle. And for some reason this had to be the first assignment in Blogging101. Although, it is quite obvious for this to be the first assignment, it raises a lot of unanswered questions in a more deeper aspect. I think that is why I tend to over-think and over do it, so let me just try something simple and straight-forward.

My name is Shweta Shrestha and I live in Kathmandu city situated in Nepal. I have recently completed my Undergraduate in Computer Engineering, and currently working in an organization as an Associate Software Engineer. I have a quite simple life and to be honest its a little in the boring side of the spectrum. I love to watch movies and series, and you’ll find me binge-watching most of the times. Right now I am binge-watching One Piece, and this is my second anime (first was Death Note). Most of all I love to watch Zombie shows, so naturally, The Walking Dead  is something I am really happy and excited about.  Besides the zombie-mania I am also a tech-enthusiast, eager about the Android Platform.

This is my first attempt at blogging and I hope I am doing it right. I started this blog to simply put my mind at ease, because it goes on like hell sometimes, and if possible improve my writing skills. I always wanted to have a blog but couldn’t do it, for many reasons, mainly because I couldn’t keep up and I was scared. So with this new year I am trying to free myself with this fear of expressing myself and have some peace of mind. I really need some constructive feedback, which I am hoping to get from this community (Blogging101).